At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
