I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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