shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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