Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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