imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just invented taco cereal.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
where are my eyebrows?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
