I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
