I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
