so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
