Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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