Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
