WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
