Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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