I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am naked and annoyed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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