At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
