remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
