I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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