You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
