he wants to bone in the snuggie
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
