i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
