how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
