you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
