Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
