I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
