My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I touched a dick in church today
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