3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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