I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
