What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
