I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
