I just pynch a tree in the face
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
