So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
