Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
