why didn't you poke me back
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dicks are not precious.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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