So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
