this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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