Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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