We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
