was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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