Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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