Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
