dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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