I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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