The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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