No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
