i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
