Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
