I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
