Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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