I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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