If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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