I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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