"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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