How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
tell me about the eggs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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