is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
